Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
