she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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