There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
