How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
