Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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