kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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