That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
