mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
