I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
