Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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