Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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