If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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