can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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