you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
