Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
