she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
