why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
