Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
