You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
