he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
