where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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