I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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