There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
