he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize