My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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