Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize