I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize