I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
