Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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