no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
