Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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