chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize