we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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