I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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