Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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