p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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