I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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