Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
