u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize