Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
