Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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