I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
