guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
