I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
