; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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