My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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