Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
