i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
