Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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