when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
