i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
