he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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