This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
