im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Even my vagina gasped.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize