i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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