i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
