I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
