butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Congratulations! We have a period
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
