last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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