Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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