Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
