i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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