Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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