So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
