you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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