There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
