she woke up with a sticky ear
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize