ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
