I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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