so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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