I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
