Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
