Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
