My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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