the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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