they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
