Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
