i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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