I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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