What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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