I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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