Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
