Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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