Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
