Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
